gimme more product

Los Angeles is home to many horrible things- the blinged out chiauhaha, the fake fake tan and Kitson (enough said?)… which is sad… but for me it is constantly redeemed by being the spiritual home of the gift bag… and the culture that goes along with it. Not a day goes by where I don’t think that if worse comes to worse I could probaly just live off party swag. And in this I include not just parties with all their fun electronic gadgets also but photo and music video shoots and their delectible craft service. Anyway since everyone in Hollywood thinks their somebody gift bags have become somewhat difficult to handle so marketers have taken things up a notch. 

If you’ve picked up an US weekly or STAR in the last couple years you will surely have seen pictures of people at this house…and thats the point. Every summer numerous companies pay a hefty sum to have a multi acre beachfront estate in malibu branded down to the toilet paper… Obviusly everything is for free and today the swag included free vodka bar all day, free beach towels and a range of beauty products. So I got hammered and started taking pictures. Funny thing about this venue is while other places discourage photography someone from the group that runs the house gave me her card and asked me to let her know if I needed any names or capitions etc. And though Carmen Electra and Mathew Perry chose to keep a low profile the rest of the aesthetically pleasing hoi paloi got on pleasently enough… with a host of different DJs spinning everything from JUSTICE to The Four Seasons I had no problem manuevering through the vodka lubricated crowd and snapping a little portrait of what its like to be a scene whore in Los Angeles. Read the rest of this entry »

china’s opening cermony

Well its here again. The citizens of the world turn to their plasmas for the most outrageous display of the human body, mind, and spirit captured on television. The commentary is gripping, the action feirce an the advertising world goes into fucking overdrive… because mindless patriotism is fun right?

(the opening ceremony ends and the games begin… so I put the laptop aside)

Holy fuck.

So I just almost pulled my hair off my scalp over a badminton game. It started innocently enough.. I’d just watched a shooting event and was starting to get into the spirit when it all started. The action started immediately and boy is it quick. After I checked wikipedia to confirm that OLYMPIC BADMINTON is actually a sport I settled in to watch the first match of the event pitting the US with our northern furtrapping neighbors. Personally thats no contest for me and the fact that that this Cannadian girl looked like Rattigan from the Great Mouse Detective didn’t help either.

So anyway… we lost.

But you know what… that doesn’t matter… what matters is that millions of Americans actually watched an entire badminton game. THAT (or maybe not…) is why Beijing is the most important Olympics in history and that why I’m going to be obsessed with it for the next couple weeks… Seriously.

Remember China is no ordinary host. This bohemoth of a country has been doing capitalism proud with double digit growth for the last decade while still retaining a communist government on paper and what some would call a dictatorship in practice. Years of preparation have been put into this day and China has spent the economy of a small country transforming this ancient city into a venue that truly warrants the honor. For China this olympic games is the most important moment in their history (which is quite a statement considering they have over 5000 of it documented ) because they have a chance to publicly show to the world that China has become quite a different dragon. With the old China the world remembers the reign of Mao but with this new China they will spend their summer with HD images of Yao Ming playing hard under the net against many of his fellow NBA stars.

Citizens of the United States should reflect on these games as a symbol for the emergence of China as a serious contender for world power. With numerous resources and 2 billion people with a will use to use them we are going to have to adapt to this challenge or cede our world dominance in the next generation.

But the growth of china or the emergence of this truly globalized world doesn’t have to have to mean the decline of the US. The citizens of our country should note that no matter where they’re located, the Olympics will always have a uniquely American message. The wonders being achieved this month in Beijing should serve as a reminder to the energy produced when citizens of so many cultures converge together. America needs to remember that this is the same energy that made us the giant of freedom and truth that we are today.

In modern olympic history the US has dominated both the summer and winter games, often being represented by athletes who compete for the US only because either they themselves or their family left their home country to find a better life. Their determination is what makes this country so great. We as a country would do well to remember that our history was built on the back of immigrants.

. So the way I see it… if we can continue to accept the tired, and the poor, and the huddled masses… then we we will always be there to win the gold.

its cougar in any language

JEEEEESUS…

Can’t these older women keep their hands off our… young… nubile… energetic bodies…

Besides which when we fuck 17 year old girls we have to go to jail..

go get em tiger

I have to admit… once every couple years… on occasion… I have been known to be wrong… about certain things. Facebook was and is one of my largest misjudgements to date and although I have publicly retracted the opinion I once was a die hard MySpace fan. Its true! To be fair this entire industry is what… like 5 years old now…maybe… and I had moved to New York right when the Myspace phenomena was experiencing what marketing experts would call a tipping point. I remember it well… one minute I’m showing my dad this new thing that everyone in New York was using and the next its on the cover of Time Magazine… within months and even weeks millions of people entered the social networking web and the world was changed forever. 

And what happened next was predictable… just because I lost my cherry to MySpace I became as irrationally attached as a 15 year old… So when Facebook came along I didn’t even bat an eyelash at its thoughtful interface and well ordered lines. But my blind devotion didn’t last forever… eventually I started to realize that my idol wasn’t delivering on its promises…

You see initially I dismissed Facebook because of its image as a strictly college based program. But as time pasts you realize that what Facebook does best is organize your information and so to start what better organizational structure for young people is there than school. Starting here allowed them to work from a solid platform where they could develop and innovate from their very first version.

And innovate they did… within a month of starting off with a 3 color page and one photo they had created what is still probaly the best photo upload interface online. I think MySpace only started using albums months ago. In fact i remember the first time I really started to reconsider my stance was when I had to upload all my photos on Facebook first so that I could url so I could make a blog entry on my Myspace page

In the beginning I wouldn’t have sacrificed individuality for functionality but after one too many target giftcard comments or dating service friend requests I yearn for something simple and easy.

I use to say that MySpace was the Mac and Facebook was the PC. I said this based on aesthetics. While MySpace has always had a bold and colorful layout and emphasized the users own creative powers. Facebook did the opposite, keeping control over the template and allowing indivual modification only within the structures of what Facebook central creates. 

Obviously then, if you know anything about Mac culture you’ll know that that the fuzzy image that Mac projects is aesthetic only. Mac is a dictatorship that fiercely protects everything it makes and allows no alteration or improvements on its product. But because of this we have get a seamless OS thats virus free and easy to use. 

So in essence my mind has been solved for a long time. My trust and time are with Facebook and I have no problems telling this to anyone.

But why today would I take the time to write my feelings out… I do this because today was the first day that Facebook publicly released its new version to its users. This major change came without any fanfare or warning. Although it is definitely early and I have some things I’d like to see happen but as of now I think the new Facebook kicks the old ones ass. By getting rid of outrageously long and crowded profiles that stretched for days they have dodged one of the big bullets that came with their application innovation.

Presently nobody could dispute the inertia propelling Facebook right now… every day more people seem to be making the switch and new additions like a chat feature that actually works (what a concept myspace) has made Facebook seemingly unstoppable. But it takes more than innertia to be the best.

In 1996 at age 20 Tiger Woods was the best golfer in the world. He’d just become the youngest person to win a grand slam and he celebrated by deciding that his swing wouldn’t give him the stamina he needed. So instead of taking time off he decided to start at square one and completely re-engineer his golf swing. 65 career wins later and the best record in the sport and I guess thats what it takes to be the best.

i luv black kids…

hi my name is zac sebastian and i’m an…

underage addict

available exclusively at CoCo De Mer boutiques in London and Los Angeles and www.cocodemerusa.com

Dear Chelsea and Chuey

history of the batman franchise and a study of mass hysteria

I saw it. 

I mean so did every other fuckin human on the planet. This movie beat the all time weekend record and made 158.6 million… and even though a movie experience today could buy you a house in some developing countries I made it a priority to see this movie. What a smart move. Now don’t go thinking its eternal sunshine of the spotless mind or casablanca or whatever because its not… its just a kickass comic book movie. There are good guys, evil villains, fast cars, cool gadgets, and some amazing explosions.

But it doesn’t stop there… due to Chris Nolan’s brilliant inclusion of IMAX cameras when filming key sequences this movie includes some of the grander moments in movie history. Because of this I would strongly advise anyone going to pay the extra couple bucks and see it in the format it was made for. When the joker’s sickening full faced grin is 6 stories tall you will forget that the original reason you came to see this cinematic masterpiece in the first place was because you think Heath Ledger is cute. 

I’m happy the Batman series has regained is place on top of the comic mantlepeice and once again has proved its superiority in the feature film arena. I mean I know everyone is making a fuss about this current film because Heath Ledger is playing the Joker and what a great job he did…and not to say that he didn’t…. he’s fucking awesome… but he’s not the first great actor to do a Batman film… I mean his predecessor for this role is Jack fucking Nickolson. The first two Batman films are directed by none other than the sick and twisted Tim Burton and his villains are played by Danny Devito, Michelle Pheipher and again… Jack fuckin Nickolson… 

Then because Batman Returns was (and still is) the scariest Batman yet they decided to do what Vegas did in the 90s and try and appeal to families. And just like in Vegas (apparently families on a budget don’t want to gamble little Timmy’s savings away)… it was a huge fuckin failure.

Initially the fact that Joel Shumacher replaced Burton on 1995’s Batman Forever seemed ok to me (Shumacher directed the 80s cult hit Lost Boys). When the movie came out it was a welcomed change… there was more than enough action and gadgets and it featured an A list cast (Jim Carrey is actually pretty classic in this role) but you could already tell that the studios wanted more cartoon and less dark comic.

So of course I was skeptical when I heard Arnold Swarzanegger was playing Mr. Freeze in 1997’s Batman and Robin … But I really called foul when instead of bringing back the mad genius Val Kilmer to reprise his role (he turned it down to do The Saint) they cast pretty boy fuckwit George Clooney into the most bumbling campy disgrace of a film ever to represent a comic book character. But I guess the sky is always darkest before the dawn and if “Batman Visits the Icecipades” was what it took to bring us to our current Batman director then so be it. 

In the end the comic book lovers prevailed…and were rewarded with a proper director by the name of Christopher Nolan (if anyone saw Memento they know what I’m talking about)… a man with a clear vision and the balls to make that vision a reality. In his first installment in the franchise he deliberately takes us as far away from his predecessor as possible so he can firmly establish his new style of telling this story. No more garrish burlesque quality sets or pun dropping villains or CGI enhanced cityscapes… And while Batman begins was an important personal exploration of Bruce Wayne this new film seriously widens the scope to really focus on the city of Gotham as a whole and its relationship with this new type of crimefighter/criminal.

This film’s tag line was taken from the twisted lips of the Joker and I think it describes our newest era of the Dark Knight perfectly… Why soo Serious?? Because… thats what the fans demanded.

Now hurry up and go see this movie so they can get started on the next one.

failed red carpet memories and b list moments

So the other night I go to this Vh1 Rock Honors The Who at Intermix that my good friend Ryan invited me to… Ryan is one of the visual geniuses for Intermix and you might know him as the diva who struck a pose in my previous penis party set…

So anyway he originally said that he wanted me to take pictures so I figured he was in charge of that list which of course for an event like that he wasn’t… at all… so the day before the party I find myself dealing with Lisette… the LA head of ShadowPR and finding out that all I was oked for was to shoot the red carpet…

Now lets discuss the red carpet for some people who maybe haven’t experienced it either at all or on the back end… the closest thing I can liken the photographers area to is one of those seething squirming masses of alaskan salmon that they show you sometimes  on the discovery channel… because in the space the size of a walk in closet they’ve stuffed 20 camera people, 10 interviewers and at least 6 high end video set ups… all for like 6 b list celebrities.

So of course I’m all dressed up and everyone else is wearing t-shirts… they’re all carrying around camera and video packages that cost as much as cars and they have totally blocked me out of getting any reasonable shots. So I did what they all couldn’t…. since I was indeed invited to the party… I surrendered my camera, tucked my press pass into my pocket, and headed in to face the masses… and find an open bar.

When I entered I immediately found my group of friends and we set about quietly mocking the society we have obviously bought into… and also relishing at the wonders of an open bar… whilst we helped ourselves to more than a few helpings of the two different drink stations… in a somewhat delightful twist since I had to be there early to shoot there were no lines so I drank and refilled twice…  which gave me a nice buzz… so when the crowds came and the lines started forming walls down the middle of the floor I could focus on just enjoying the party.

Now don’t let it be said that interacting with b list celebrities can’t be fun though because I beg to differ…I learn a lot at these parties… since most tv actors are considered b list and since as you know I’m a bit mad about television these days… I also like seeing someone and knowing that they are someone… but having no idea who… and then asking them and finding out and that being a totally acceptable thing… because they’re happy you recognized them and you’re happy because it brings to mind a fantastic wank session three seasons prior… which brings me to my next topic… Selena Gomez…

Now anyone who knows who Selena Gomez is… probaly either has younger siblings or just reads a looot of gossip mags… both of which would have enlightened the rest of you to the existence of this 15 year old star of the disney show Wizards of Waverly Place… a job which seemingly would put her deep in the annals of c list fame until she at got a fake id or filled out enough to pose in maxim and get a job on a real network… but instead because of this strange new tween ruled world we live in she’s the understudy for the most bankable entertainment asset in the world right now…

And I don’t mean that literally… what I mean is apparently disney isn’t banking that Miley Cirrus (the aforementioned asset) will go on forever… but just long enough to get the tweeneys ready to fall in love with their next purity ring wearing export. But anyway I admit to the fact that when she walked in I had no idea who she was…nor was I even paying her any attention at all… what got my attention was while I’m swilling at least my third alcoholic beverage of the evening I look next to me and see a suprisingly unremarkable looking BOY… in BRACES… like he looked ready to start wearing big boy underwear at any moment… and then I realize he’s hanging with a crew of fellow prepubescents and so of course because I’m obsessed with the concept of child actors… I went over and made friends.

So after a little chat it becomes clear that that Selena and I are BFF so I went off to find someone my own age and I had one of those… “you’re totally familar but I have NO idea who you are so as soon as I get home I’m gonna wikipedia your name” moments with the beautiful fellow pop journalist Carrie Keagan who works for a little something called No Good TV and who I’d seen on a couple episodes of Chelsea Lately… we chatted and laughed for a bit and she promised to interview me next time although I would have settled for more smiling, cursing and crazy bouffant hairstyles…

The rest of the night went swimmingly… here are some of the highlights…

Kim Kardashian and her ass came to the party… thank goodness she had bodyguards or I would have tried to shoot it and mount it on my wall… 

Lauren Conrad showed up right about the same time as Audrina… uh… can we say awkward Hollywood roommate moment… 

The girl who cries black tears from Heroes totally ruined the second season for me…thanks a lot Dania

And thats what its like in the wild wild west… where the dreams are big and the tits are bigger and you can’t go ten feet without seeing someone from a reality tv show….

itsss…. SHOWTIME

Sex sells… just ask Showtime. Also ask them whether violence and drugs sell well too… and I think they would give you an enthusiastic thumbs up. Subtlety its seems… is out… and in your face wish fufillment is back in style. And if you ask me it couldn’t have come soon enough.

You see not so long ago Showtime was just another blip on the vast media radar, a retarded stepbrother of sorts to the all powerful Home Box Office. Because I myself am a product of the later 90s… and anyone with half a brain knows that HBO ruled that time period, creating entertainment that left everyone else gasping for breath while showtime was most useful for (slightly) pubescent glimpses at gasping areolas on mute while your parents slept in the next hotel bed.

First there was Sex and the City in 1998 which caused quite a stir among my parents when they had the balls to brazenly use the word Sex in the title… big shocker… and yet because of the brilliant writing and wanna have fashion (thank you Patricia) this show became the cultural phenomenon it is today. Now eight year olds can laugh about vibrators too!!

Then a year later they debut The Sopranos… about the guilty conscience and the mobsters who have them… and despite the graphic nature of this program families everywhere settled down with their TV dinners and related to this twisted new jerseyite and his wacko family…  

Then there were the comedies… In 2000 Curb Your Enthusiasm was born and may still be one of the most honest comedies in production today… but really there is only so much I can take of Larry David offending people and pretending it was an accident… But for me their biggest coup came four years later in the testosterone laden west coast version of their previous gender bonding hit when Marky Mark decided to let us in on some of the fun in Entourage… needless to say  I think this is the best show they have and I can’t wait for some more… but anyway..

I truly believe it was HBO who set the standard for the kind of movie quality TV entertainment we have today.

But that does not mean they knew how to keep the ball rolling… because meanwhile… Showtime… who’s only notable contribution during the previously mentioned time period would be the boundary breaking gay soap opera we all know called Queer as Folk… which I never got… because if any of you have ever seen, heard or been involved in anything “folk” ish… you’ll know that queer is not a word often associated.

But Showtime got it I think… when they did that… they said hey… there are still boundaries left to be pushed and people left to offend… so it went on the offensive.

Now if asked what my favorite shows are… my list will feature Showtime heavily while HBO holds on with only Entourage left to keep me tuned in.

Lets take a look at why I’m head over heals for Showtime…

Read the rest of this entry »